Film: 'Johnny Mnemonic' (1995)

This movie had sooo much potential. Henry Rollins, Takeshi Kitano, Udo Kier, Ice-T, Dolph Lundgren, and Dina Meyer, all on the same screen, complete with scripting by the legendary William Gibson? Yes, please! Sadly, much of that potential was swallowed up by dumb*ss editing. Oh, and the total lack of Molly Millions, originally the main character...in point of fact, the story is almost completely unrecognizable to any self-respecting Gibson fan. Also sadly, Keanu Reeves.

Good points: Henry Rollins <3 <3 <3 ! He's always supercrazyawesome in bad movies, even though his characters always die, and he should totally wear big glasses more often. Ice-T was awesome, too - he's a surprisingly good actor, in addition to being the most bad*ss of all rappers. And Dina Meyer's always pleasing to look upon, though I liked her way better as Oracle. Also, the retrofuturistic technology is hilarious (they still use minidiscs! In 2021!).

Bad points: The terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad mid-90s special effects. The awful, abrasive soundtrack. Also, poor Dolph's repulsive Street Jesus getup; it is a crime and a sin to paste a grubby fake beard on that gloriously stereotypical action-man face - and the hair is just plain disgusting:

Get 'im, Henry!