Film: 'Versus' (2000)

Despite this film's near-total lack of acting, dialogue, and a plot, it remains one of the most compulsively watchable I've seen. Is it the zombies? The thugs? The zombie thugs? All I can say is that I've seen this movie more times than I'm willing to admit, and will be seeing it at least that many times again. I watch it whenever I'm feeling down; how could anyone fail to feel better when faced with swords, guns, and leather-clad prettyboys kicking zombie heads off? This is comfort cinema at its very best.

Despite the fact that, lacking a plot, the movie goes from one fight scene to the next with almost nothing in between, the beautiful and rather dreamy choreography makes it feel like an arty Yakuza-themed ballet rather than non-stop murderous violence. Endearingly sweet-faced tough guy Sakaguchi Taku stars as an amnesiac escaped convict with an unerring eye for fashion (even if he has to rob a corpse or three to complete his 'look'), who never loses a fight and has no compunctions whatsoever about hitting girls. Toss in a reincarnated megalomaniac, a bizarre duo of extraordinarily dumb detectives, and a creeptastic 'Forest of Resurrection' where even the dead keep on fighting, and somehow that all adds up to the most enjoyable action movie since - um - actually, I can't think of any other action films as enjoyable as this one (not even Terminator 2, or the countless Van Damme and Lundgren flicks that were my bad-day blanket movies before I discovered Versus). I think this is as good as the genre gets.

Film: 'Yojimbo' (1961)

This film should probably be renamed "Mifune Toshiro Kills Everyone." The very process of sitting still and watching it will make you feel completely epic, awesome, and every other commonly (and delightfully) misused adjective you can think of. Seriously, why are you still looking at this when you could be looking at this? :

Film: 'House' (1977)

This is really odd. It's supposed to be a horror movie, but it never quite feels like one. There's this gentle dreamlike quality to it that mutes the horror aspects in the most curious ways; afterwards I felt like I'd just watched something happy despite all the technically rather horrible deaths. I'm not sure why, really, but I enjoyed it immensely - particularly the beautiful saturated colours, which unlike many late-70s films don't feel overdone; the intense palette is really well suited to the fairy-tale nature of the piece.

Perhaps the oddest part is that, despite a few very '70s costumes, the film really doesn't feel dated at all. The special effects are very fake in a way that looks completely intentional, which makes them seem strangely modern rather than clumsy, cheap, or old-fashioned. I really liked the soundtrack, which is understated and pretty. It's kind of a baffling film, and I definitely recommend it.